Tuesday, September 20, 2011

There Is Only So Much I Can Take

I didn't intend for the next post to be a rant, but it is going to be. 

One of the main reasons that I have not kept up with this blog to be completely and utterly honest, is because I can't. 

No, not I can't because I don't have the time, but no I can't because I have a piece of crap laptop that is 6 years old with a modem that is outdated, we live in the middle of the freaking country where I can't even have the opportunity to have DSL and I just don't have an HOUR to sit and wait for the sites to load that I need to get to using the wireless PC card that is now 5 years old setup through an EVDO wireless router that only gets 2.5% of the 54 max mps speed.

That's what I've been doing for the past 45 minutes until I finally told Cory I was using his laptop to write this post, that's right, not asked, TOLD, since he was the one that we decided needed one more urgently right now.

I guess I feel the need to be a bit bitter, self absorbed and downright openly frustrated at what's been happening in my household when it comes to technology and the ability for me to indulge in purchasing some for myself.  I tend to put off purchasing things that would make my life easier - all of our lives easier, since I'm the one paying the bills, running the majority of the household and keeping up with our day to day contacts with family, friends, school and the like on email, etc. for whatever everyone else needs.  (Technically I think that's a portion of the definition of a mother isn't it?)

So, with that said, I think I'm planning to indulge soon.  No we do not have expendable cash for the purchase and I don't exactly know how I'm going to figure out where to find the money to pay for it, but something has to give.  I cannot blame my husband (entirely) for this situation, because I did not bring up the issue with him until I am so far gone angry about it that it becomes a major catastrophe - which is entirely my fault, not his.  And if he by some act of God reads this, he will read it completely wrong and assume I am ranting at him, rather than my own stubborness.  However, not aiding this is what inevitably turns into his immediate reaction when I do finally break down - that we need to sell this place and move somewhere more convenient - never small steps with him, always have to jump off the deep end of whatever we are facing.  That's not my intention, but a little help in managing a solution would be appreciated - and again, my fault for not approaching it the way it should be approached.

Needless to say, my 5 days from now I will post and will continue every week...yeah, not likely until I get this figured out.  I thought I had my ducks in a row last week.  Turns out they decided to scatter.
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