Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Can't Get Any Better Than This

I am sitting in my room with LOST on the tube, listening to Jack's second night without paci and the latest rendition of "I need my Maaahhmmeee" coming over the monitor. Ohhh...new line just hollered, "I wanna get down!", tonite might get even more interesting which I truly didn't think would be possible after the past 36 hours, especially considering what happened at bath tonite.

That's right, life in my house has gone to a new level.

For those of you in the know, you are aware our blessed baby, actually I guess he is technically a toddler now at 16 mos, Duke, is a tub pooper. I guess you could call it occaissional, but on that little trick anything more than once a year in my opinion is a trend. My friend Lara at the office has reminded me several times that you aren't truly a parent until you've chased poop around the tub with your bare hands, well, let me say I've done it, more than once, verging on often, usually while Cory is out of town.

Back to tonite. And please excuse the following three details, but they are significant to the overall story...it was nearing time for bath, both kids had just pooped but had not yet been changed and when Duke poops, it's usually in tandem - one, and about 5 minutes later, the second show.

So, as we are watching Word World both darlings do their daily business, and honestly I feel like it's perfect timing since it's clean them up and put them to bed next. So, Duke goes first and like his usual self, second show is just about ready to begin. And what better opportunity for him to do it right there on the potty. He's too young to potty train of course, but when things are right there and set-up for his brother, may as well skip the step of dumping it from the diaper and having him put it right there on his own. Which he does, so clean up his bum and into the tub.

Now it's Jack's turn, but we have to start with brushing teeth, then washing hands, and next, changing pullup. Great, perfect, clean the bum and socks off and then ... crap ... literally, in the tub, again. Guess Duke decided tonite he'd perform the Triple Lindy. Fabulous. Really. But stick with me, it gets WAY better. And best you start the visual imaging from here, 'cause I promise it gets really good.

Jack, still in his t-shirt and socks but pantless, is told to seat himself on the step stool by the sink while I simultaneously grab Duke around the chest and catch the last of the poop coming out of his butt with my other hand. That gets tossed in the toilet and Duke gets laid on the towel on the floor, butt wiped and hands and feet and anything else that was touching water that had poop floating in it quickly scanned and wiped down. Remaining poop, and poop tub toys, thrown in the toilet and sink and water drained while I grab the bottle of Spray Bleach from under the sink and quickly spray everything down. Jack, thankfully, is still sitting quietly on the stool watching all of this when I realize there is a spot of poop on the towel Duke is laying on. So up he goes, naked to sit on the 2nd stool next to Jack. I am about finished wiping down the tub enough to be able to put the kids back in it, when I see the 4th quarter come out of Duke, onto the stool, and his hands, and his foot and the rug and the floor and onto Jack who decides this is a good time to hold hands with his brother Duke.

Don't laugh, it could have been you, on 4 hours sleep from the night before, with poop everywhere. But wait, there's more.

Duke gets set back on the potty, at least that way he can safely go into overtime if necessary. Jack is told to stand up and wash his hands in the sink, by a mother that has completely forgotten that's where the poop tub toys are and which he begins playing with instead of washing his hands. Duke is wiggling on the toilet, I get Jack's hands clean and turn around to see the dog licking the poop off the rug and floor.

Yep, it's just doesn't get any better than this. I guess in some way, this is my payback for laying on a beach for 6 hours on Friday. Either way, those 6 hours kept me from losing my mind tonite. Instead I am still laughing about it.

I have to, it's an hour since I started this post and although the "I wanna get down" cries are staggered occaissionally by 30 seconds of silence, they are still echoing through the damn monitor. Wait, here's a new one, and no doubt he's defnitely working it now "I need tee tee potty!"

Looks like another glass of wine for me tonite. Did I mention Cory gets back on Friday?
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